by DAVID PRESTON
Having been through a divorce with two daughters I can emphatically say that "alienating an ex" can be common practice for some parents. Unfortunately, an active alienation can be taking place with your kids and you may not even recognize what's happening. The first step is being able to recognize what is happening to your children and how it affects their behavior towards you.
Signs to look for include: 1. Your ex says the children should decide about visitation with you when the court order says there is no choice. (You have visitation rights.) 2. Your ex relates the reasons for the divorce to the kids in detail. This is usually done to lay the blame on one parent and is very effective at making the kids think they are going through this because of you! This is very painful for the child and is usually done under the guise of "being honest and upfront" with the child. 3. Refusing to let the kids transport their own property between residences. If one parent really can't afford what the other one can, it's immediate alienation to the child. 4. Not providing access to extracurricular activities. How are you suppossed to show up at a school play when you didn't know about it? This is very damaging to the child. 5. Scheduling or setting up temptations that interfere with visitation times.
Those are just some of the most common alienation techniques employed by custodial parents. My ex actually wanted me to pay the taxes on her vehicle and told me "the girls want to know when you're going to pay it so they can see you." The court order stated that we were each solely responsible for our own vehicles. I wound up calling the cops and having them escort me to pick up my daughters. The officer explained to her that although he couldn't arrest her for the infraction he could make a report for me to submit to the judge for a contempt hearing. She gave me my visitation after a yelling match with the officer. This is just an example to show how the alienation process can work. I would have been the "bad guy" because I didn't think enough of my kids to do what mom said so I could see them. They felt bad about the visit from the officer but I explained to them that the judge said I can spend my time with them regardless of what is going on between your mother and I.
Parental alienation is a real and growing threat to the welfare of your relationship with your kids. Speak to your attorney if you feel you have been or currently are a victim of Parental Alienation Syndrome before it's too late. There are remedies, but you have to act fast in order to stop any further damage.
Having been through a divorce with two daughters I can emphatically say that "alienating an ex" can be common practice for some parents. Unfortunately, an active alienation can be taking place with your kids and you may not even recognize what's happening. The first step is being able to recognize what is happening to your children and how it affects their behavior towards you.
Signs to look for include: 1. Your ex says the children should decide about visitation with you when the court order says there is no choice. (You have visitation rights.) 2. Your ex relates the reasons for the divorce to the kids in detail. This is usually done to lay the blame on one parent and is very effective at making the kids think they are going through this because of you! This is very painful for the child and is usually done under the guise of "being honest and upfront" with the child. 3. Refusing to let the kids transport their own property between residences. If one parent really can't afford what the other one can, it's immediate alienation to the child. 4. Not providing access to extracurricular activities. How are you suppossed to show up at a school play when you didn't know about it? This is very damaging to the child. 5. Scheduling or setting up temptations that interfere with visitation times.
Those are just some of the most common alienation techniques employed by custodial parents. My ex actually wanted me to pay the taxes on her vehicle and told me "the girls want to know when you're going to pay it so they can see you." The court order stated that we were each solely responsible for our own vehicles. I wound up calling the cops and having them escort me to pick up my daughters. The officer explained to her that although he couldn't arrest her for the infraction he could make a report for me to submit to the judge for a contempt hearing. She gave me my visitation after a yelling match with the officer. This is just an example to show how the alienation process can work. I would have been the "bad guy" because I didn't think enough of my kids to do what mom said so I could see them. They felt bad about the visit from the officer but I explained to them that the judge said I can spend my time with them regardless of what is going on between your mother and I.
Parental alienation is a real and growing threat to the welfare of your relationship with your kids. Speak to your attorney if you feel you have been or currently are a victim of Parental Alienation Syndrome before it's too late. There are remedies, but you have to act fast in order to stop any further damage.
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